Anna Dorman

Instructor Wishart

Comp 1

06 November 2009

Polyamory: More sides to things than just shapes

            The term “Polyamory” is not very well known outside to those who practice it.  Polyamory/Polygamy, also known as simply “Poly,” is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one consensual intimate relationship.  Poly can also be used to describe a relationship orientation, similar to gender orientation.  Polyamory is technically different that Polygamy in that polygamy refers to actual marriage between multiple partners, typically religious and patriarchal in definition.  In the United States, polygamy is not illegal on a federal level; however it is illegal on a state-by-state level in all 50 states.  Utah was not allowed to become a state until the Mormon Church stopped practicing polygamy. Famous polygamists and/or polyamorists include acclaimed comic book writer Alan Moore, artist Graham Nicholls, who created the first polyamory website in the United Kingdom, and famous actress Tilda Swinton.  When it comes to polyamory and polygamous relationships, legalizations in the United States should be considered due to the fact that people who practice it are not considered to be part of the whole: this being supported Biblically, through proven benefits to both the partner(s) involved, as well as children raised in the home where a Polyamorous situation is present.

            Before going in to the arguments supporting the legalization of Polyamorous relationships, there are also several arguments against legalizing it as well.  The most famous headline that shows a negative side to polygamy is that of Warren Jeffs. Warren Jeffs was the leader of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS), and was convicted in Utah last year of rape as an accomplice in the arranged marriage of a 14-year-old girl and her 19-year-old cousin (“Warren Jeffs Pleads”). The most commonly known form of Christian polygamy is that of the FLDS denomination, or those whose belief of the practice stems from religious beliefs.  While this is the most infamous information available about polygamy, this is merely just one facet of the people that practice poly relationships.  There are still several countries in the United States where Poly is not only allowed, but is considered normal, part of the mainstream culture.  The United States is one of few countries where the practice is illegal.

            One of the reasons that people choose to enter into a Polyamorous relationship is due to religion.  While other religions other than Christianity support this practice, the focus here will remain on the Christianity beliefs of polyamory.  The earliest recorded plural marriage was Lamech in Gen 4:19, six generations after Adam. Even though Lamech is the only polygamist identified before the global flood, there is no reason to believe that he was alone in that status.  The post-flood patriarchs Terah, Nahor and Abraham continued the plural marriage tradition as evidenced in Gen 11:26; 16:3; 20:12; 22:20-24; 25:1-6. While Isaac was monogamous his two famous sons were polygamous. Esau had five wives shown in Gen 26:34; 28:9; 36:2-3 and Jacob had four, shown in Gen 29:23-28; 30:4, 9.  Even Moses practiced polygamy per Ex 2:21; 18:1-6; Num 12:1.   David, who was called a man after God’s own heart, as well as Solomon, a man whose wisdom is infamous, were also polygamists.  In reference to David specifically, there is argument that the polyamory was not condoned due to the situation with Bethseba; however, this was due to the manner in which he approached her and was done in an adulterous fashion. A person should not tolerate infringements of religious liberty, just because it doesn’t fit one’s theology.  While these scriptures are from the Old Testament, and the main argument against Christian Polyamory is that Jesus fulfilled the Old Testament, this did not simply do away with the beliefs and practices within in it.  The Bible does not specifically state that Poly is allowed, or not allowed; however, based on the scriptures referenced above, one can assume that it is allowed due to those who practiced it and still remained in God’s favor.  

            Poly relationships are also known to benefit a person’s individual growth and development.  In an article in the Tuscon Weekly, journalist Tish Haymer explored Poly in mainstream culture, and the effects that it has and could have.  What can make a person Poly is that they are mature, honest, supportive and caring about the people that they are involved with.  The majority of Polyamorous people “realized that their natural capacity to simultaneously love more than one person couldn’t be fulfilled within the boundaries of that type of relationship [monogamy] or their platonic friendships (Haymer). One of the hardest things for people to get past when it comes to accepting Polyamorous relationships is that there is the assumption the choice is made merely for greater physical pleasure.  While this can certainly be the case in some situations, most who practice Poly do it for the actual relationships, not merely the physical contact (Haymer). If Polyamory were to be accepted and even legalized; “most polyamorists see their struggle as part of the larger fight to ‘normalize’ all forms of loving relationships” (Haymer). Being in a poly relationship can also benefit a person by providing multiple people to do things with, giving an extended support network, and even increased individuality. 

            Polyamorous relationships can benefit the quality of life for a child who is raised in such an environment.  In an article published in Loving More, a Polyamory magazine with over 15,000 subscribers, Valerie White goes into the benefits of what such an environment can provide. Historically, children were taken care of by the group/society in general while the mother tended to whatever ever needed to be done.  Everyone took their part in helping with the children too young to tend to themselves “…several generations, older siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles, all happily taking their turn at childcare (White). Sid Mansfield, a Phoenix-area child and family therapist, is quoted in the Tuscon Weekly: “The key in raising well-adjusted children is stability” (White). When any relationship, be it monogamous or Polyamorous, provides a stable, loving, and growth enriched home, it can be hard to see where this would negatively harm a child.  In order to show children how to grow, and mature, adults are there to be examples for them to emulate.  Any mature and responsible adult can fit the criteria for being a role model in a child’s life.  In order for a Polyamorous relationship to be successful long-term, all of the adults involved must have a certain maturity that might not be there in a monogamous relationship due to the complexities of handling multiple relationships on a consistent basis.  While Poly relationships may not be better than monogamous in providing an excellent child-raising environment, there is no reason to believe that it is any more negative than any type of home environment can tend to be.

            As the famous writer M. Scott Peck stated, “Love is the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” Being in a Polyamorous relationship only provides more opportunity for growth, whether it be mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually.  A Polyamorous environment can be beneficial to any partner involved, as long as the maturity is there to handle the situation.  The same applies for children raised in Poly homes, as there are increased chances of being supported, loved, and given an opportunity to grow past their potential.  The Bible also provides several places where not only is polyamory accepted, but the people who practiced favored by God specially.  The United States is one of few countries where this practice is not considered normal, and as a result, those who practice Polyamory tend to be judged unfairly.  In an effort to reduce this judgment, and possible detriment, acceptance and legalization of Poly should be encouraged.

Works Cited

Haymor, Tish. "Love is a many-splintered thing." Tucson Weekly. N.p., 14 Feb. 2002.

Web. 02 Nov. 2009.

"Warren Jeffs Pleads Not Guilty to Charges of Arranging Teen Marriages in Arizona."

FOXNews.com. N.p., 28 Feb. 2008. Web. 09 Nov. 2009.

White, Valerie. "Think about the children!" Loving More. Loving More Magazine, n.d.

So I get out of the shower and come to the computer.  I turn my head and Master is watching some show where this Asian guy first pours scalding water over his penis repeatedly, then has a special table where he places it and then beats it with a stick, and then he fucks so bamboo basket full of rice.

What.

The.

Hell!

Wow.